Understand, if a guy is really into you after 3 dates, you can both agree to give a relationship a shot and have sex.I’ve done that a number of times – where I was so whipped that I dove into an exclusive sexual relationship right away.So it’s not about a number of dates or months: it’s about assessing his intention: does this guy really like you enough to commit or does he just want to have sex with you?“We woman are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. Wait too long and the guy will get it somewhere else.” Nope. No one is suggesting that you’re losing out on a prize of a man if he values getting laid in three dates over how much he values you. I think you have all the power in the world: to be sexual, to assess your options, to understand his point of view, to make him feel good, and to STILL insist that your man be interested in pursuing a relationship before you have sex.“EMK’s advice seems unrealistic for anyone not wearing a promise ring.”Actually, it’s quite realistic.But choosing a boyfriend is a considerably lower bar to jump than choosing a husband.

In that regard, sex is no different than learning that he’s got anger issues or is a bad communicator.

People who were irked by the concept that women should make men invest more before having sex are still probably going to be irked – but at least I’ll know that I gave it my best shot to illustrate my arguments effectively. Again, I’m not remotely judgmental of those who have sex without commitment; I will only point out as a dating coach that it tends to lead to sub-optimal results from men because they didn’t have to do anything special to get into bed with you.”I can’t see anything about which one can argue. 🙂Below are some of the comments I received (in italics), along with my responses.“What about having sex for the sheer joy of it without any agenda and expectation? If you can have sex for the sheer joy of it without any agenda and expectation, then my advice to hold out for a commitment should be completely irrelevant. As irrelevant as me wondering how often I should get a mammogram. If advice doesn’t apply to you, then you can absolutely ignore it.

What you can’t do is argue with advice that is not intended for you.

I will repeat this two or three more times.“What I want to challenge you on is this notion that women ought to be bartering sex for commitment.”I would like to challenge that notion, too.

Because my clients who hold out for commitment are not bartering sex for commitment.